can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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