i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize