I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
