It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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