so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
