apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
