Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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