we made out on top of his cat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
