Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
