I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
