Soap is not a condiment
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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