Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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