apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
