dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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