so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize