I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
