Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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