What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
