the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
