how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
