I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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