hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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