3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
