I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
