i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
