All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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