oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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