He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
