There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
