Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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