Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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