Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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