can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
