We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
