I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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