we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
