No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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