He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
