I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
