do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
