I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
