i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just tell him i said nine months
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
