i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We need to get me chipped asap
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
