I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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