i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
