Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We smell like vodka and hangover
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