is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
