So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
