Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
