Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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