I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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