Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
