Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
