I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
