Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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