We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So here I am, sexting at work.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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