I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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