I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
