Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
