the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize