im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
