I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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