go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
