Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
