We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
