id be glad to
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
