Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
