Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
