Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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