Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
