i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
