My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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