I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
