So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
