im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
