Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
