North Korea, Best Korea!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
