Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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