So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
